Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:07 The hold, I will send you a Lija the prophet before the great and awesome day of the Lord comes and he will turn the hearts of the fathers, to their children and the hearts of the children to their fathers, Les DICOM, and strike the land with a decree of utter destruction. Malakai, welcome to the gray salves podcast. Welcome back. I am really, uh, I always say this I'm really excited because I actually am always really excited, especially about the things that we're going to talk about on this podcast. We are here together building a culture, uh, that that's championing and learning biblical masculinity, that results in an effective leadership in your life to impact the spheres of influence that God has called you to. So this podcast is aimed at men, but it's like I say, many times it's for everybody. We live in a father of this generation and we got a lot of great moms out there raising sons.
Speaker 1 00:01:02 And we want this podcast to even be in those mother's hands, as tools to equip and empower their sons to live upright. So we're not just doing this as a podcast. We're doing this as an assignment from God to empower an entire generation to awaken and take hold of the responsibility that we have as men of uprightness. So I'm in the studio today, actually with a great friend of mine, and we're going to get into a really good discussion here out of this Malakai passage. I'm in the studio day with Lenny LaGuardia, who I've known for 20 years, 22 years, actually two 22 years. So welcome Lenny, how you doing, man? Awesome. Thank you for having me. I'm excited. Yeah. I'm glad to have you here. And I, and when I knew we were going to do this, I was like, we got to do a Malakai four because the reason why is it actually fits in to the gray Soft's culture because of the five star charts, our five star charge is honor affection, Liberty, war, and Valor.
Speaker 1 00:02:06 And the first four have to do with your inner world. And Valor has to do with your outer world where you live. If you want to live with courage, do good at the first four. And so the second one is actually affection and it really comes into this whole concept of Malakai. And I want you to speak to this. And, and before you get into the speaking to, I just want to lay down some kind of foundation for the book of Malakai. Malakai was written in a time where the priesthood of Israel was really failing. They were polluting the altar. They were really, they were, they were really bombing in the area of like doing it the way God designed it to be done. Like they were doing things like, you know, in the Torah it says, don't, you know, bring, bring me your best.
Speaker 1 00:02:45 And they were actually going out and getting like the lame and the, the S the lame, the deaf, the spotted lamb, the, the, the animals that weren't up to par. They weren't the best at all. They weren't even bringing the Lord the best. And so they're polluting the system by watering down the standard, and God brings this to their attention. He's like, I've loved you Israel, but have you loved me? You know, that's kind of what he's trying to get them to think. Have you loved me? And if, if, if I'm your father, where's my honor, not from your God. Where's my fear. And he's like these, these Ling sacrifices, you're bringing me do that to your governor that do this to your governor. Cause you, you wouldn't dare do that to your governor, but you'll do it to your father and have a, you do it to the God of Abraham that brought you out of Egypt, right?
Speaker 1 00:03:29 That's how you repaying it. That's how you show him. And so, you know, when you fast forward into the new Testament and we do the same thing, we're all part of the priesthood. Now, the way God's always wanted it to be. And yet we're still polluting the system the way God's got only set up one way. It's the cross. It's the great commission. And it's the Ascension gifts. Like here you go take over the world with these five gifts. Everybody has one of them figure out how it works, be a body. And I look at this heart of Malakai in chapter four, and he's, he's actually, so he's, there's only four chapters in Malakai. And there was four things that Malakai was actually calling Israel to in repentance. He was, it was a time where worship had become routine. While that sounds familiar today, it was a time where divorce in the people of God was widespread.
Speaker 1 00:04:19 Oh, that sounds familiar today. Right? Like, there's this, it's almost like, is he talking about our time or his time? And he was talking about, he was asking Israel to repent from social justice, which was being ignored and from tithing, which was being neglected. And I can see those same things as, as a person who, uh, you know, I founded a church and you've run in the church for decades. And it's really just an honor to have you here, you know, and I want to talk about this, this word affection, because I think when I look at a map, Malikai for the turning of the hearts of the fathers, to their children, to their spouses, to the family. Talk about that from like your world. I mean, you're a Malakai four guy, right? You're like the Malakai for impact. You can probably got 20 website domains.
Speaker 2 00:05:06 No, this is a pillar pillar chapter. And it needs to be a pillar chapter for men, women all over the earth. And there's several things that are not talked about in the body of Christ from the pulpit. And that one would be, you know, his coming, the other one would be the turning of the hearts to the fathers and the children. Uh, there's a turn going on. And I, I think when people hear about Malakai four and they hear about the hearts of the fathers, to the turning, to the children, children, to the fathers, they think it's a, a program. And they think it's, uh, a way to recruit people to work with children. And it's, it's part of that. But it's far from just being a program. I mean, when we look at Malikai chapter four, verses four or five and six, it's almost where we need to know that God is giving us another chance.
Speaker 2 00:05:57 Think about it. The last three verses of the old Testament, 400 years go by. And then we pick it up again with God's heart, wanting to see our hearts turn to each other. When I think of Malakai, uh, chapter four, I think a Psalm one 45 for where there truly is our children. Men listen to this men and women listen to this, our children being put in a place to where they would receive the, the mighty hand of God in such a way. And then Psalm one 45, four says there will be one generation that shall praise his works to another. I mean, you stop and think about that generations generations. We don't think that way. We don't think that way. And Malakai four is the promises of God because the worship was polluted. The money was polluted. The family was pollute. Everything was compromised much like today. If you look at the parallel track that we're on today, there's many compromises divorces, okay, we do this, we do that. We're not reconciling with our families.
Speaker 1 00:07:02 Let anybody call themselves a Christian, but pollutes it.
Speaker 2 00:07:05 And so we need to be, you know, men, uh, specifically, and I love grace SOPs, man. I love the five, uh, five star charge. I, I love what we're calling men to Brian. I love being a part of this because I really believe that we need to turn our hearts as men toward our children, not just the, our own children, but the children of the church, to children, to the neighborhoods, the children, operations, everything, everything. And if we don't do this, man, if for our own children, I'm burdened this in this hour, somebody else is going to do it. I mean, because you go to church, you sit in the churches, uh, men, women, uh, beloved, you sit in the churches and you know, how many of us are just getting connected with the father's heart for the first time, I don't want my grandchildren, your grandchildren, your children, and men across the earth, their children to have to be so absent from the heart of the father being turned to them, to where they have to sit in a church service and come to Jesus at the age 32, or have to reconcile. Let's, let's reconcile this now at an early age and we can do this.
Speaker 1 00:08:16 Yeah. And I, I look at this whole concept that we're talking about to, to kind of build a little metaphor out of it. It's kinda like your engine, you know, your engine, you start it up, it heats up, you know, I got a nice digital, uh, dashboard. I can flip between my little dashboard widgets and I can every now and then in the wintertime, especially, uh, I'll put it because I have a screen I can look at that just shows me all my temperatures like coolant oil engine yacht. And I'm like, how long does it take for this thing to heat up? Right? Like how long has it before the hot air is going to come out of this event? That's really all I care about. But, but nonetheless though, there's inside that motor there's friction, there's pistons. There's all kinds of mechanics going on, but without oil in that motor, we all know that it's going to bind up.
Speaker 1 00:08:58 And maybe you have, that have ever had that happen to a motor. It just ceased. It stopped, you know, and it's affection. You know, we're talking about biblical masculinity and the reason why this is important, this conversation is important in this day and age in this hour. And why God's calling gray SOPs. I, I'm not saying this out of hope. I'm saying that I'm no, God is going to impact millions of men with the gray SOPs culture and brand it's you just watch is going to happen. And that's not me being arrogant or hopeful. It's just, I've been laboring. I've been carrying gray SOPs for over a decade in my inner man. And it's out now and the Lord's going to do mighty things. And here's why we live in a day and age of moral decline. Like never before we live in the day and age where we have this big epidemic of fatherlessness and so affection, I w we want to train men.
Speaker 1 00:09:54 So this podcast is even a small little voice in that thing of training, right? Like when you hear this, this podcast, we want you to grow in your knowledge of it. We want you to grow in your responsibility of it. We want you to take inventory of this because if divorce is widespread in the days of Malakai, well, what was missing family structure? What was missing between the husbands and wives fictions, right. Love, kindness, tenderness, right? Like, uh, I mean the affection men turning, right? Like I heard Ellen hood say this one set at one thing, and I never, never forgot the, the potency of what he was talking about. That moms naturally turned their affection to the children because it's just the mom and the children and my kids, but the dads, it actually is a intentional thing. That's right. Dads have to actually purpose to turn the affection. And I just think about it, right. My heart breaks, because like, there's a lot of guys that didn't get to see that from their dads. Well, Hey, you know what, I'm sorry. Maybe get some counseling. Cause I do believe in the holistic approach, I believe in inner healing after all of that, just get over it. Brian, learn how to be affectionate to your family.
Speaker 2 00:11:07 I think about, I think about that a lot. Because as a police chaplain, as a, just a pastor to the next generation for 38 years, I've been in a lot of homes and I've had to talk to a lot of fathers. And, um, a lot of fathers have hopelessness because they don't see that they could really have the love from the Lord to make a difference in their family. But when you look at Malakai four, you look at four, five and six it's it's God's promise to fathers it's it's mothers to it. It says not just fathers that we're talking about. It's spiritual moms and dads, but for our own children, God has made my children in such a way and created my children in such a that, where they are made to receive my love. If I'm made, created in, in his image to receive the father's love my heavenly father, how much more is my children able to receive my love?
Speaker 2 00:12:08 And so men have to step it up. They have to step it up and not give that over to somebody else. And I, I see that happening. And when I share with men and I say, listen, your children were created to hear your heart. Hebrews 12, our fathers have disciplined us for a short time as they thought best. Right. But how much more the word says, will he give us discipline for his own profit for our own profit? So yeah. You know what? I grew up in a very interesting situation. When I heard the word discipline, I'd run for cover, man. I'd run out the back door actually. Cause you're smart. Yeah. I'm quick. I'm not quick and too smart right now. But anyway, I did the best I could and I have to let my parents off the hook and I see what hangs up men sometimes the most is the way they were disciplined, the way their father, their mother, that the, those voices, that spirit of accusation.
Speaker 2 00:13:02 And I just have a burden for all of you today through grace ops podcast. To really see you lay that down and go, you know what your dad did, did what he could. He did it the best of his ability. And if it came up short, don't take that out on your children anymore, man. Right. Go to the father, let him love you. Get the father's heart because your heart, when it turns to your child, that child's heart will turn to you to the fathers. And that's what I see happening. And I'm just wanting to encourage people today.
Speaker 1 00:13:38 Yeah. And I think this is a, this is a strategy from God. I mean, this is like God's solution to problems. You know, it's like, I, I look at the culture today and you can call it Jessebelle or Babylon spirit, the spirit of the age, but it is just, you know, castrating it, I mean, we're talking, we're living in a culture where things are so upside down and messed up and that, you know, the feminist mute movement is, is really, it's choking to be a strong man nowadays is called toxic. You know, it's like just the men have such, there's such a uphill battle, such an opposition against men, but be a man. Anyway, you know, that's what we're saying. Be a man, you know, the gray SOPs culture that we are kind of charging and putting out there. We want to strengthen as men.
Speaker 1 00:14:32 We want to be men who are prepared. We won't be men who provide for our families, but we want to be these five-star charged biblical men in and we're highlighting affection today. I w you know, I want to learn how to listen better to my wife. I want to learn better. I've been married 22 years and I've always been a tough guy. I've always been a semi jerk. You know, like, it's not because I want to be mean to people. It's just, I don't really care how many people think about this. I don't care. I don't have time for that. I'm a visionary, you know, I don't care. Get over it, suck it up. I mean, that's my mindset. Right? You can ask my kids, they know that's me. Right? Like, it's they get that part of me all the time, but I have to learn as I go, it's about maturing.
Speaker 1 00:15:14 It's about maturing. And the more you mature, if you're really paying attention and being diligent with the way you live your life, you're going to be a better man next year than you are now. Right? Like, it's not about your past. I'm six. I have a hard time looking at it that way. Like, I I'm so nice to myself cause I'm like, Oh, well I'm at least trying. Or at least in the game, if I make 10 mistakes, I forgive myself real quick. You know, I don't hold onto it. Like, Oh, I suck. You know? Cause I tripped up and screwed this up. Screw. I don't think about it. I forget it. And just move on it. All I got is today. I don't know. And I just think that guys, what I'm seeing is this grace minus responsibility, right? Salvation minus responsibility equals cheap grace. Right. And what we're seeing in Malakai is this is a message you probably don't want to hear. Right? It's a message. We're trying to probably trying to avoid through porn and gaming and blaming and all this stuff that distracts men. And what the Lord is saying is men who are called you to be
Speaker 2 00:16:15 That's right. And the promises right there, behold, I will send you Elijah. The prophet. There's a promise coming. You know, I was at Thanksgiving and I had my family there and I had something I wanted to share with them. Right. Yeah. And I want to give them the plan. You know, I'm going to tell them a mom and I are up to right. I said, Hey everybody, I have a, I have an announcement and I was ready to give that announcement. It's something the Lord is doing in my wife. And I, we wanted to share it with our children. I do it all the time. And uh, I shared a little bit of it. And one of my daughters, they go, what? You don't have a handout. You're not, you're not given us the three point vision. You're not giving us the speech. That mission governs your life.
Speaker 2 00:17:04 Values, govern your heart and priorities. Governor. You're not. And what, what she was saying to me, she was joking. But sometimes I treat my own family. Like I do my ministry, my team, I look at them. I work with police all the time and I wouldn't have it any other way. And I'm always telling police officers and people in law enforcement look, don't treat your wife. Like the public. Your wife is not the public. Your husband is not the public. You got to do a different. So when my daughter said that to me, it was a, it was a wake up call. And then my other daughter goes, no, no three point plan. He's not handing out a handout. And it just hit me really hard. And my, uh, and my wife just looks over and says, look, just be, you don't talk to us.
Speaker 2 00:17:57 Like you got to win us. It's not a sales pitch. Right. We're your family. Huh? Okay. Hey, here's a mom and I are going to do it took about eight seconds and everybody cheered you go, I didn't have to have 18 minutes. The Turkey's getting cold. The mashed potatoes, the gravy, everybody came COVID issues out there, but he wants to go home. Not sure they should come anyway. What's going on? What's it going on election? It was like, Oh, okay. We'll do that. More guys sent, sit out. You don't have to have all it altogether. Right. You just say, this is what's on my heart because Malakai's, uh, it's proof, man. It's proof that your children were may to hear from you 400 years go by and he picks it up where he lefts off God on turn the hearts of the fathers, to the children, John, the Baptist spirit of Elijah, that whole thing.
Speaker 1 00:18:53 And I, I think off the top of my head, I mean, this is looking back to the Torah and if I'm remembering correctly, it's like Deuteronomy six in that area, six, seven or eight. And it talks about, it's really talking about how to raise your children. Like it's, it's really not putting them in a classroom as much. I mean, to support them. But actually it says, when you wake up in the morning and as you walk along the way and he would tuck them in at night, like those are the times for children. And actually when I read that, I was like, Oh, I'm a great dad because that's, that was my style. I'm not the guy that sits down every Monday night at seven o'clock with my kids to do a Bible study. I'm just not like that. Right. I'm very, I'm, I'm intentional and purposeful and I'm strategic, but I'm not as predictable. Like I don't do the same thing every time I wake up at the same time every day, I'm just a sporadic, more sporadic that way. Well, that's me. That's my percent. It's my style. Right. That's my approach. But so I had this pressure. I'm like, Aw man, a good dad does this, a good, you know, every Sunday night at this time or every Wednesday this time. And some guys do that and do it really well moms or
Speaker 2 00:19:52 Whatever, that's their thing like,
Speaker 1 00:19:55 Right. Like do it, but I can't be you and you shouldn't be me. But when I read that verse that Malakai's referring to, I was like, Oh, that I do that. Good. You know? I mean, I, or I, or Kelly
Speaker 2 00:20:05 Better at that. Well, verse four talks about the past. It talks about the past verse five talks about the transition between the past and the future. And verse six is the faithfulness of God's word. I encourage every, every father, every man to study these three verses, man, just to pick up the Bible and look at that because verse four is the past and it reminds us, man, this is what the Lord's going to do. Remember, remember Israel, remember the law of Moses and in verse five behold, I'm coming, I'm going to, we can fix this. There's hope there's a future. And, and, and six is very, very important. It will. He will turn the hearts of the fathers, to the children and the hearts of the children, to their fathers. Lest I come and strike the earth with a curse. There will be men, a great and dreadful day. There will be a great day. There's going to be dreadful day. We got to help our children recognize the counterfeit. That's coming to planet earth, man, because a lots of false systems are being created right now. But your children, men have been created to hear your voice. They've been created to hear your voice. And I just want to encourage you in that
Speaker 1 00:21:21 After 400 years of silence from Mallacoota Matthew, right out of the gospels, we've got Luke one, right? And they're talking about John, the Baptist, who's the forerunner of the Christ of the Messiah. And we're kind of foreigners ourselves. I mean, we there's so many cool parallels for 21st century. We're the Bible says we're a Royal priesthood. And then we're also like foreigners, you know, we're we're in between now, uh, the Ascension and the return. So we live in those days. We're not waiting. We're we're w we're waiting, but it's a different weeding.
Speaker 2 00:21:53 Well, men tell me, come to me. Not all the time, but the ones I'm in some serious situations and you are as well, but they'd go, man. There's no chance that I'm going to recover this. There's not a chance that my daughter, my son is going to turn their heart toward me. I'll tell you why that could happen by allowing the father to turn his heart towards you. When I allow the Lord, my father to turn his heart toward me, because you know what we fail to realize in Malakai chapter four, five, and six, we're a son we're as child. So let the Lord turn his heart toward you, right? And once you allow that to happen, your children will know that they will see that they will feel that happening with me and my own. My oldest daughter, I never would have believed that my oldest daughter would give me another chance.
Speaker 2 00:22:44 You know, I'm always strict, man. I'm doing background checks on their boyfriends, dah, dah, dah, but Dean, and all that relates to is I don't trust her. That's what that all the herb to her and my wife would correct me and go, you really didn't, you know, you don't drive anybody. You know, so anyway, but I allowed the Lord to touch me and softened me. And I love going to my daughters and my sons now. And just saying, Hey man, I, my father and mother disciplined me for a short time year. I disciplined you for a short time is, uh, I thought best, but how much more if you give yourself to the Lord, will he bless you for your own profit? So I tell my children all the time, Hey, you gotta forgive me, man. You gotta, you gotta let me off the hook. I did the best I could. Here's the word. And, uh, it works, man.
Speaker 1 00:23:30 Yeah. And I think two things that are hitting me right now, as we're unfolding, this is one, if you have been through divorce or if you have been through divorced and I would my voice, you as a, as a man and a man of God. And I would say, if you, if you need to, maybe you already have, but learn from that situation, learn own. What part of it was yours. Forgive yourself, ask the Lord to forgive you and forgive yourself and make it right before God, if you're facing divorce, maybe you're in a situation where you're facing divorce. I really just believe you need to, you know, unless there's like physical abuse in the situation, apart from, you know, physical danger, I think you really need to put in and uh, just, just maybe take a break and figure this thing out. Maybe figure out how to make it work.
Speaker 1 00:24:21 And I know I'm talking to a lot of situations that I don't know what's going on, but if Melika is addressing an issue where divorces right spread, it's really because God doesn't like divorce, right? It's not something he likes it. He, I mean, he likes you. Even if you got a divorce, it's not like you hate you forever, but he's like, Hey, let's learn. You know, these are human relationships. And, and I think of like, just this concept of affection and I think of labor and you were talking about how you've been raised. So like, you know, if you, if you bombed in this area series of father and you're like, you know, and I've just really been terrible. I was working too much. I was away from the family. I really wasn't there. And then you have a certain sense of guilt that you carry.
Speaker 1 00:25:01 We'll see guilt produces shame, and shame is going to be like a prison to you. It's going to be something that shuts your mouth every time it's going to shut you down every time you step out. And you've got to command that shame. So the gray SOPs culture is all about this, right? That the grace of God is training us. The grace of God is mighty. It's a robust, it's powerful. It's not some little weak thing that, uh, empowers your weakness. It's it's it doesn't empower us to continue in weakness. It actually is a trainer that teaches us to renounce ungodliness and to renounce worldly passions. So that's an ungodly way to live. Men. Don't live in shame, break the power of shame. I mean, I'll tell you what I do this quite often. I'll go out and my front yard, my backyard, and I'll just let out a shout.
Speaker 1 00:25:43 Like I'll shout as loud as I possibly can. And it's just, it's just really to remind the earth that I'm here. I'm, I'm freaking here. Like, and you're not taking me out. I'm still here. And there's a power in declaration. There's a power in overcoming shame. So if you've bombed in this area of turning affection, you know, it's such a neat thing, right? Oh Lenny. And I aren't talking about this. So because we've mastered it, we're talking about it because none of these, none of the five star charges, something you can master, no, it's a, it's a, it's a lifestyle. It's a way we want to continue to gain better at living. So if you deal with shame over, maybe your kids are 20 years old. Now, maybe they're 40. And maybe you bombed in this area, deal with your shame, man of God, declare to yourself that you are a father and even your child could be 40, 50 years old.
Speaker 1 00:26:30 You take on that whole mindset. That's one of the things we're strong about grace SAPs is a warrior mindset. You take on a warrior mindset towards that thing. And you, you get up in it. You, you, you look at life a different way. You break the shame. You start breaking into the spheres that are holding onto you. Breaking these prisons. You're going to see things change. I'm not going to say it's magic. I'm not going to say, Hey, five days later, your kids are going to do this, but you do it enough. And they're going to take notice, and they're going to it's for their chin. It's never too.
Speaker 2 00:26:57 And it's for their children. I look at what I started out with on Psalm one 45, where one generation shall praise your works to another, Oh Lord. And I go down. I look at, I will meditate on the glorious splendor of your majesty men, meditate on the majesty of the Lord. In verse six, men shall speak of the might of your awesome acts and will declare your greatness. And then seven, they will utter. The children will utter the memory of your great goodness and shall sing of your righteousness. And it goes on, the Lord is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger. His mercies are new every day. So meditate men on the majesty of the Lord. Turn it around. I remember when I started turning my life around with my, with my girls, I started being different. They were looking at me like, what is this? You man, you hypocrite, what are you doing? You know, I didn't buy it. I didn't allow those voices to come to me. I stood the ground and I conquer mine. It's a warrior mindset, man. Don't give up the ground. Your children will utter the things of God to their children, man. You are made for the children's children.
Speaker 1 00:28:02 Yeah. And when I think of affection, affection is just a, it's a tenderness inside of a man, right? It's that oil inside of an engine. It's a, there's something you can grow in it. Right? Like you always have to get oil changes right. In your car, like every 2000. Yeah. Right. Like you have to, my car is anyway. Yeah. We ha we get some synthetic oil, but we have to, uh, it's something we have to challenge ourselves and take inventory of. And so I wanna, I want to put, I wanna, I do wanna turn my heart. You know, my dad did the best he could try. He wasn't perfect. I got mad at my dad a lot when I was younger. And then I became a dad and I was like, Oh, well, you know, he did the best he could do. He was actually giving me the best he could give.
Speaker 1 00:28:49 And you know, whether that's a five star dad or a one-star dad, or however you rate your dad, just appreciate that. You know, and maybe he left and you know what? You can still say, that's the best he could do. But when now, what am I going to do? It gets to responsibility. What am I going to do? How, how will I live? How will I put, so for me, I put, um, I put just some practical things and we can talk about some practical things here about how to actually insert affection towards your wife and towards your kids. And, and we'll go into that in a moment. But at the beginning, I was so excited about starting this topic that, um, and I know you don't care about this, but Lenny, you're a good friend of mine. You're from Kansas city. I just want to kind of build a rapport for who you are.
Speaker 1 00:29:31 You're the first time on our podcasts, but you'll be on it many times. And in London you've been running in this stuff for decades. You know, you run the children's equipping center at the international house of prayer and you're chaplain for the Kansas city police. I mean, you've done some pretty stellar stuff, right. So you're like a guy in the game, right? Like what, what's the statement you have about heaven at Hills doorstep? Is that what it is? Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean like you have a warrior of hope and it's an honor to be your friend. I've known you for 20 years, but we've walked same closely for over a decade of what you're doing. Brian's really powerful. So I just wanted to make sure people knew who you were, but let's talk about some practical things. Like maybe kind of like what's, what are some practical things of affection, dads, turning hearts to, how do guys do this? How do what's the actual, what's a thing you can do? Wow. What's a lesson you've learned. You know, that
Speaker 2 00:30:21 I think the big lesson, there's tons, man. We don't, we don't have time. I don't have my wife, my wife here. I don't have my wife here to tell me you haven't really conquered that one yet. So I'll just, she's not here. So here I go. But, um, I, I think I had to really understand, uh, and I know some, some of you out there will have a hard time with this because you're separated. You're not, you're not there with, uh, your spouse. Okay. So I understand that. But whether you are or not in front of your children, are there in must be respect for their mother or their father. They're there. They're paying attention to that. Uh, I tell my team, I tell my children, your biggest asset is going to be your, your need to forgive me. You know, I'm going to need to be forgiven.
Speaker 2 00:31:11 You know, that's a given, but I I've watched my children. Watch me speak to my wife, speak to her, listen to her. Do I cut her off? And I, you know, in, in my culture it was very loud. It was very pushy. You know, where I grew up Italian Sicilian Italians. Also, they're not throwing us under the bus, but I'm letting you know that it's very loud. And you know, and I remember my wife walking out of that, uh, she was my girlfriend at the time and she goes, you know, I can't believe you treat your, your mother that way I go. What way are you talking about? She goes, how can you talk to her with that tone of voice? Like what, what tone of voice look that stuff builds up walls with your children. So I, I can give you a couple of examples, but I, the one that hits me with most conviction is something I'm working through every day. Even as they're grown children, when we're on the couch, they come pick up their kids or whatever we're babysitting or whatever. How, how I talked to my wife in front of them matters.
Speaker 1 00:32:16 Yeah. So the way you treat your family, that's right. They're learning and listening all the time. Are they expunged? Especially when they're younger, you know, it's like, I think for me, I'll give an example here of, so it's my, it's the way I think. And I do use my calendar a lot, you know, as far as like just first appointments go and keeping scheduled. So I'll, I'll even throw on my I'll I'll make, even in a task list, I'll make task list items. Talk to the TA. I'll pull my daughter's names in there. Talked to her about this. Pray with her about that. Like today, I'm going to get an alert sometime tonight. Cause I put one in this morning. Cause it's something I want to do better at pray with Christie. That's good. Just even if it's just two minutes, it means a lot to my wife.
Speaker 1 00:32:59 If I just grab her neck, put, put her close to me, just blessed blesser, you know, I'm like that woman who fears the Lord, you know, should be praised, you know? So just take that time and, and bless her. So I, I try to be strategic that way. I try to take my kids on, on dates, dates with dad, time, time with dad, we would go to the shooting range or go out for breakfast, you know, whatever, whatever they want to do, right? Like they'd love it to go. They just see, love down, go down the road and give him 20 bucks. They can go spend it in some stores, but it gives me quality time with them. You know, this quality of time, just even the driving in my truck, driving back, just touching base with them. Um, I'm a very physical guy and I have four daughters and I'm very physical with them and that might sound weird, but it's not, I love my daughters and I tickle them.
Speaker 1 00:33:44 My grandma hug him, throw him on the bed. I wrestle with them. I've never been reserved by anything like that. Cause that I'm not a pervert. Right? Like if that's what people are thinking or whatever, you know, like if you ever had that thing in your head like, well, I don't want to be like that with daughters. No, they love it. They love it when dad's like I'm fully in their faces, man. Like literally my forehead's on their foreheads and I'm like, I love you. And you know, they're, they're laughing and cry. I do that with my 16 year old, you know, I still do it with my, our oldest daughter's 20th. So it's the affection, you know, they get me right in it. So I tried to dates with dads. One of my daughters was, uh, in, in, she was really battling something fierce and it's, it's a product of our culture.
Speaker 1 00:34:29 Oh my gosh. And I was so lost Lenny as a dad is like, man, I don't know how to. I knew I knew she would overcome it. Cause I know she's built like a warrior, but you know what I did just, this is one of those things of affection. I'm an audio book guy. I love audio books. And I downloaded three audio books that, that had to do with the exact problem. Right? Yeah, of course. I'm praying about it. Of course I'm declaring the word. Of course I'm reading the Bible and believe in God, but I'm like, I guess some more tools in my arsenal. I got to get some more thoughts. I got to get some more equipment, you know, some more ammunition in my mind, this warrior mindset. Right? So, um, I didn't listen to all the books, but fast forward, Oh what's this chapter about?
Speaker 1 00:35:04 Oh, what's that? What's this chick, what's a doctor. Who's his doctor talking about, hold up tool. And then over the next six to eight weeks as able to drop these little things, like I knew I was talking about, you know, and, and it, it was just powerful. Right? So, and she's winning in this area. Like it's, I'm just excited if you're whole just be, but they needed that out of me. Right? They needed me. They needed a dad. I think that's part of being an affection. These are practical things. I think while you're talking, it come came to me. Hey man, if you're not with your spouse separated or divorced
Speaker 2 00:35:39 And you got, you have your children for that weekend, let's say, or it's your turn your time, whatever, uh, stop and pray for their mother. Yeah. That'd be good, man. Just go look, let's take a minute and pray for your mother, you know, and start breaking those walls down in your heart bitterness and stuff like that. Let them know you have their best interest in mind. I I've watched a couple of fathers do that where they have no reason to pray for that person. It's bad situation. Right? Yeah. I don't even know if I could I find it hard to pray for some people. Yeah, I do the best I can. But when they started praying, their children started changing toward the father, started seeing, Hey, look, that's my father. I want to, I want to attach to that. Right. Right.
Speaker 1 00:36:26 Cause, and, and the reason why, you know, I think of this as like one of the main roles as a father is besides providing and protecting is that one of the most strategic things that fathers do in, in, in men, if you're young dads take this to heart and if you're even old men and you've got older children, it's never too late, you still take it to heart. Right. But we speak and we release identity in our children and we're always calling them to their identities. Right. We're always like, no, that doesn't fit. That shouldn't be a thought in your home and your mind son or daughter, because it doesn't match your identity. So dads are always like, are heat sinking missiles on that? Bulls-eye targeted. Like this is your identity. Like how God is with us. Right? Like he knows that once we know our identity, our behavior will follow and the church comes along and says, change your behavior, change your behavior. And they don't teach us our identity because behavior is born from identity. Right. I'm going to act like who I am. You know? So if I it's just one of those things. So, you know, we're kind of all over the map a little bit like the shotgun idea of like, you know, we don't, we don't have like this five, five ways to be affectionate to your children. And there's probably a a hundred thousand looks like that, but who knows if they're healthy?
Speaker 2 00:37:38 I think a big one for me has been when I go to a conference or I, I attend something and it really impacts me right away. I want to come. I want to go home and do it. And it would just flop. I do it for a week, two weeks three. Now what I do, and maybe I learned this the hard way I take, I take my time. Even men, those of you listening to this podcast, you're picking up some really good ideas. I could feel were stirring your heart. Don't go home or back to your house or wherever you're at. And try to go all out right now, a hundred miles. Take it to the Lord and say, Hey look, Lord, I liked everything I heard I'm convicted. I want to do better. Give me one or two. Give me the strength. Your mercies are new every day.
Speaker 2 00:38:29 Give me have mercy on me. Oh God. First of all, cry out for his mercy. It says it's new every day. But just get a couple of things, man. Maybe it starts by just spending a week knowing you got to let your own parents off the hook, man, you got to say they did the best they could. Now I got to submit to the father who will discipline me because discipline comes from the word discipleship. It's not even punishment. So man, just let the Lord prune that branch man, you don't cut the whole tree down. Right? Don't go home and cut the whole tree down. You've got some good stuff
Speaker 1 00:38:59 Going on. Break out of that shame.
Speaker 2 00:39:02 Your kids were given to you, not by accident, man. You're the man that's supposed to raise those kids and speak into those kids. So go home. I love what you were saying. Mark damn man, proclaim the promises of God over them. Yeah. Maybe spend some time here and about what the promises of God is over your children. Get the revelation because the Lord, if you're their parent, you're supposed to hear from God for them.
Speaker 1 00:39:24 I know my children's names. I know what their names mean. I know why we named him that in and I'm it. It's all, it all matches kind of the personality or DNAs pathways are on. And you know, and I, and I just kinda wanna encourage us to out of someone 27 is it says behold, you know, children, our heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Right? You know, it goes on like arrows in the hands of a warrior. There's that warrior thing are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man and feels his quiver with them. And it goes, it talks about not being put to shame when you stand with demonic forces in the, in the Gates of influence. But yeah, so affection is a big deal. Dads you're needed now more than ever, right? Your, your role as a man, isn't it now more than ever. Um, so if you're, if you're addicted to porn hub in gaming and you're on your you're on the couch, uh, covered with potato chips, um, there's something wrong with your life. And I, and I love you enough to tell you that you need to get up out of that place. You need to cry. You need to take a inch a day. And I think what I love about great, all that stuff,
Speaker 2 00:40:30 I think w when you use the word warrior in the context of grace ops and what you're doing, I look at what is a warrior as a warrior who wins all the time? No, no. A warrior wins some of the time, but they got back up. So if you're really going to be a warrior dads, get back up, man, get back up, get back up, man. Push delete. Yeah. God pushed, delete on you and forgave you.
Speaker 1 00:40:53 Right. And let's walk up, right? Let's put God's, let's quit polluting salvation. Let's walk in the power of let's quit polluting grace. Let's take grace on and let grace train us. And, and uh, and Hey, I talk as one who struggled with pornography, right? I mean, I get it. I understand. I'm not talking from some ivory ivory tower. Like I wrote about it in an article. I get that stuff, bro. And uh, I get it, you know, yoga pants, probably the worst thing that's ever happened to mankind. I get that stuff. I get the battle, the eye gate, I get it, you know? Um, I get it. And, and, and yeah. Um, but we need that band of brothers and we need some, we need some men that we can live this upright lifestyle with and we can be vulnerable with, we can let our guards with,
Speaker 0 00:41:34 Um,
Speaker 1 00:41:36 It's a powerful, it's a better way to live. Good word, Brian. And it's not about perfection. I say all the time. It's about pursuit. I love it. Gotta be pursuing after living God. So lending has been amazing again. Thanks for having me on man, man. You're you're you, you you've influenced my life in a big way and same here. You know, I I'm proud of you, man. I've even called you things like spiritual father and stuff like that, you know? So I was like, let's slow down there a little bit, but now I appreciate privileged beyond. I love this. Uh, man, I just, uh, I'm praying for everybody that's listening today. Yeah, me too. This is much needed. It's a mandate. You know, it's a big deal. It's a big deal in the heart of God. So we can't overlook it. It's big and Malakai's day.
Speaker 1 00:42:15 It's big in our day. And Hey, you know, as we wrap up, I want to invite you to take a browser, go somewhere to grace, sops.net. You can easily subscribe to our email. We'd love to stay in touch with you, right to you and power you through writing. We'd love for you to, uh, consider getting some gear. You can click that little share box on the podcast. You can blast it out to five or 10 of your friends. This thing's going to impact millions of people and you can be part of helping that impact, uh, take place at a grassroots level. So we love you. We're here to empower you. And until next time live upright,
Speaker 0 00:42:56 <inaudible>.
