Speaker 0 00:00:00 <inaudible>
Speaker 1 00:00:08 Engaging the five-star charge. Honor, affection, Liberty, war, and Valor. Welcome to the Grace House podcast. I'm in the studio. David, Brian, Evan. What's going on guys. It's good to be with all of you guys here today. We've got some fun stuff coming up. We want to talk about some admin stuff before we get into the talk today. What do you got Ryan? Hey guys, if you're new to this podcast, um, well we want you to go ahead and subscribe to this podcast. So go ahead and subscribe to it. If you haven't already, uh, what that's going to do is allow you to, uh, get notified when, uh, when are, when new, when new content drops. So, uh, we want you guys to stay plugged in, plugged into our culture, plugged in everything that's going on as a lot of people subscribing. Yeah, there, there is. There is, and we're thankful for it.
Speaker 1 00:00:54 It's, it's amazing to watch this thing grow and it's, uh, amazing to get, uh, some of the great feedback that we've gotten, um, you know, already from men that have been listening to this podcast. Uh, so go ahead and do that. If you haven't already visit our site, grace ops.net, you guys can subscribe there as well. Um, and that will help you with, uh, just getting other updates, email updates. And, um, we wanted to, uh, go ahead and, um, just tell you guys too about an event that's coming up. There'll got some regional events we're going to be launching this year. Yup. Uh, so th this, uh, this, this January, we'll be doing a ax throwing event and you can check that out at gray sops.net/steak. It'll be an awesome night. Uh, we're going to have Astro and targets, uh, get together, just hang out fellowship with other guys, uh, eat some good meat and, uh, it'll be ax throwing. It'll include a steak meal. <inaudible>
Speaker 1 00:01:51 $30 in order to register, you have to buy your ticket online. So you can do that
[email protected] slash steak. So I'll scroll down midway through the page. You'll see where you can go ahead and pay, pay for your tickets. So if you're in the local area, we'd love to have you there bring some friends. It's going to be a great time. About a two hour event, a hundred dollars first place prize to the guy who throws the best acts. And we will, um, we were having a great time. We're having a little discussion, um, in a morally trash culture, you know, how do you live? Right. So I'm gonna be talking about that for 15 minutes or so that day. All right. Hey, we want to get into the conversation here today. We've been digging into this five-star charge and gauging the five surcharge harder.
Speaker 1 00:02:30 How do we engage it? What are we engaging? And today we want to actually look at the word affection. So why would we, you know, we're, we're used, we used the five star charge to define masculinity and specifically biblical masculinity. But I think biblical, biblical masculinity is masculinity. So we put the word affection in there on purpose because there's men, Ryan and I are probably more, we're probably categorized as like the jock type or, you know, tough guys or whatever. And we are tough guys, but we're also very tender. And when we're for you, we're for you. And even if, even for our enemies, we have compassion, but how do we actually live with affection specifically? Now, this is interesting specifically when it comes to how we handle our wives, how do we engage relationship with our wives and how do we display affection to our children?
Speaker 1 00:03:25 And then from that sphere out, you know, how do we display affection even to our friends? And so if you're a single guy, you don't have to tune out and say, Oh, I'm not married. I don't, I can't listen. Actually listen, because you'll, you'll hear some of our ups and downs and things we've done good and things that we haven't done. So good. And, and I was always listening for all kinds of data and coaching and leadership on, on marriage before I got married. So that when I came to make that decision, I felt well equipped and knew what I was doing. So we're going to talk today about what are, what do we mean and how do we actually engage, turning our hearts, our affection to our wives? How do we stay tender? When I went through marriage counseling 20 some years ago, the, uh, the counselor said, well, you're likable in the China cabinet. And she's like a butterfly. And I'm like, yeah, I think that guy's right. Think he's onto something there.
Speaker 2 00:04:17 Like, you
Speaker 1 00:04:17 Know, and boy, now I have four daughters. So I live with five women and it's actually awesome. I love my life. I love, I love the blessings that my family brings to me, but it is a challenge to learn how to speak woman. And so learn how to think like a woman and all that kind of stuff, which I never will. So, so when it comes to affection, I, uh, this whole phrase, like if, you know, kind of getting to the scriptures a little bit, you know, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. So Isaac is Abraham son. If you know anything about the biblical storyline or the biblical history in the book of Genesis, Isaac's the son that Abraham is called to sacrifice on the alter. I mean, cause that's what you did back in that day, that you would have to sacrifice your young to the gods.
Speaker 1 00:05:03 It was a common thing. So Abraham was like, well, I guess maybe this God is like that. Um, but this God was different because once Abraham showed that he was fully committed by pulling the knife out, God provides a Ram in the thicket and stops the process and he, and he stops the whole thing. And he's like, I'm not the God that takes your sons and daughters through sacrifice. I'm the guy that provides. So that's a, that's in Genesis 22. Well, write a chapter later at the two chapters later, Isaac is actually grown up now and they go to find him a wife and they go off to the land of Canaan and they find him a wife. And it's a really awesome story of her character and how she, the type of woman she was, it was really powerful. But nonetheless, they bring her back to Isaac and she sees him from afar.
Speaker 1 00:05:46 He's out in the field and this is how they met. They've never met each other. They didn't have a Facebook page or any kind of social media. They didn't see each other and Tik TOK there. She sees them in a field and she was, Hey, who is that man? And he's like, that's my master. So she knows. That's the one. So once he, Isaac, here's the testimony of how everything wins in how she came with him. They literally went into Sarah's tent. Sarah had passed away. So there was a tent there in the field, um, some type of structure there and they consummated the marriage and then there's this awesome phrase it says, and he loved her. And I thought, man, that's really a cool, cool, a cool thing. So they, they sealed the covenant. They're like, we're in this. They didn't even know each other.
Speaker 1 00:06:25 They didn't even have any gooey, emotional emotionalism. There was no corny. They might not even, I thought each other was the best looking who knows. Right. But, um, isn't that wild, you know, but it says, and he loved her. So in the five star charge, that affection is, how are you loving? How are you adapting that same little phrase? And he, you loved her, whether it's your wife or your children, how do you love and display affection? So those around you. So that's what we're talking about today. You got anything to throw in here, bro.
Speaker 3 00:06:56 You're way ahead of me. And you want to share notes. You want to share
Speaker 1 00:06:59 Whenever your failures and open up.
Speaker 3 00:07:02 I'm good. I'm good.
Speaker 1 00:07:05 How many times has up slept on the couch already? Well, I remember way before I got married. I remember thinking about the type of woman I would marry dating a good number of, of girls. You know, I dated a good number of girls and I even remember my own father thinking I was crazy at times because he's like Brian, you're, you're dating some really good quality ladies, you know, and any of them could be your wife. And I'm like, yeah, I think you're right. You know, they probably could. And there was a certain criteria that I, I knew I was kind of looking for. And I was raised in a, kind of a youth leadership culture as I, when I gave my life to Christ, I was in a really pretty well-built youth leadership culture. And they taught us, they would say things like, you know, if you want your wife to, to like you, when you, when you get married, do the dishes and vacuum the floor and, and uh, you know, listen to her and take care of her and, you know, get her flowers and make sure you always keep her at the center of your world and keep her, keep her feeling like you love her, you know, stay in love with her.
Speaker 1 00:08:05 And so, and I think that's a powerful thing with Isaac and Rebecca is that it was a, it's a covenant relationship. This isn't a relationship of convenience. That's why I can honestly say I'll never divorce. My wife. I just don't ever see me divorcing my wife because, and I, you know, and there's a lot of good people that said, Hey, I, I did the same thing, but I ended up in divorce. So you might've been the spouse who said, I'll never quit, but maybe you got quit on, you know, so I'm not, I'm not trying to say that to condemn anybody, but, but it's a covenant relationship. And when we understand covenant, we understand marriage and we understand our role in it. So, you know, I, I I've come through a lot of ups and downs with my wife and we're both very bullheaded and stubborn.
Speaker 1 00:08:43 Like I say it this way, we both have the same passion. Like that's really awesome about Christie and I, we have the same passion. We have just two totally different ways about going and going about it. And in there, we're all constantly challenging one another to kind of see it this way or see it that way. And that actually causes us to grow. You know, that type of friction causes us to grow. So we want to lay out this idea that you would be, you would, you would as men of honor and embracing the five-star charge that we're actually taking this seriously. I don't want to build a affection towards my wife. I want to spend time with my wife. I want to prioritize her. Um, I struggled a little bit with the concept of happy wife, happy life. I struggle with that because I don't know if I fully believe that. I mean, I get it, I get it. And I'd probably get in trouble for even bringing it up to tell you why I disagree with it.
Speaker 3 00:09:36 I will, I know we don't have our wives here. We don't have our wives here. And I don't think my wife has been listening to the podcast. So don't send it to them. Yeah. I think the chance of her, her tuning into this one, I'm going to get her on speaker, but here's, here's what I would say.
Speaker 4 00:09:52 I say in, in disagreements and it's not a full disagreement, but it's like happy wife, happy life to me is like a half truth. Um, because anywhere you look throughout scripture, any, anywhere you look, um, through the example of Jesus, right. And his ministry, um, and, and the father's call for us to be servants. Um, I think that affection is very deeply rooted in servanthood. Um, you know, when I'm in marriage like this, this covenant relationship, um, God first served us, you know, um, he, he saved us. He's, he's delivered us. He's done all these things, right. He's serving us even now and today as, as, as, as we walk with him and journey with him, um, you know, he's humbled himself, he's making intercession for us. Um, and, and so in turn, I think I, I, you know, I relate that concept back into a covenant relationship with my wife.
Speaker 4 00:10:49 And I think that the relationships that win are when both parties, right, the wife and the husband understand the principle of serving one another, right. That, that I I'm going to serve your needs above my needs. And when we get into relationships like that, where both parties have this understanding, you know, and, but, but remember like, as, as men, we are to lead our households. So your wife might not even have that understanding at the moment. Um, but it is your responsibility to serve your wife to place value upon her needs. Like, you know, how does, how does she receive love? How does she receive affection? You know what I mean? Um, I, there, those are, those are interesting concepts that we could get into. I don't know if we'll necessarily touch on some of that today, but, uh, we could get into that, you know, because there are there, I could, I could be cleaning the dishes and doing different things for my wife.
Speaker 4 00:11:42 And she's like, I don't feel any, I don't receive my affection that way. You know what I mean? And so it's a part of knowing your wife. You know, what I mean is, is, is serving your wife in, in the manner in which, um, ministers to her, right, where I'm going to meet your need and whatever that need is, you know, so th so there's open communication in marriage that, that affects it, you know? And, and, um, but I'll, I'll say this, uh, that when it comes to affection, your affection for your wife, so your, your horizontal affection will, will absolutely be determined by your, your, your affection with God. Okay. So when, when we are missing that element in our life, right. If we are too busy to be in the place of intimacy with God and walking out relationship abiding in his presence, um, with God allowing to are allowing ourselves to receive affection, right? Um, how are we then going to translate that into our marriages? Um, how are we going to translate that to our children? And so, so I'd like to highlight that point a little bit too. I don't know if you've got some thoughts on
Speaker 1 00:12:52 Yeah, there's a, the, you know, that's a good thing that we bring up. We're, we're looking a little bit in Ephesians five as well here, because there's a mutual submission. The scripture talks very clearly about that. And the reason why I struggle with happy wife, happy life, because women are looking for security. And if a man doesn't provide security for a woman, they will actually start to overpower the nest. They will overpower. You they'll even castrate. You have to have to, because they're looking for security. And I know in my marriage, in my life, the way I'm wired and what I'm called to do, I've always been like a high risk taker. I've always, I've maintained that I'm 45. Now I've maintained that into my forties. I see that I'll be maintaining that into my fifties and sixties. And, but the only thing that's really provided security for my wife is my walk with God.
Speaker 1 00:13:45 You know, if I, if she knows we're in the middle of God's will she'll under anything with me, but if I doubt God's will, or if I say, Oh, I'll just forget this and do something else, you know? So that talk rattles her, you know, she was like, well, what are you talking about? You know, if we're in God's will, let's just suffer together and win together, lose together, all that kind of stuff. But they look for security, you know? So don't be afraid of that statement, but as a man, so if we're mutually, it's a dual submission, we're submitting one to another. So it's not just about the wife being happy. We're submitting one to another. It's not just about this barbaric men lording over their wives, like, you know, shut up woman, do what I tell you to do. I'm the man. So we got to kind of erase some of that stuff, the errors in that thinking.
Speaker 1 00:14:26 And then what we have left with is there's a dual submission. And then the scripture is paint a picture of the different roles. So the masculine plays a role, and it is a role of leadership in the marriage. And the feminine plays a role in the submission, in the yielding. But guess what? It's actually compared to something kind of scary it's compared to the way Christ leads his church, gulp, right? Like, like that's the comparison. It's like, Hey men, if you want your wife to submit in, in a, in a way that that's would please God, and, and, you know, you could walk in obedience to the Lord, you got to lead in a way that Christ the same way Christ leads his church and Ephesians five 25 actually says, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Speaker 1 00:15:14 And it just goes on to go through this beautiful list of things that Christ did for the church, sanctifying her, having cleansed her by the washing of water, with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be Holy and without blemish. So exactly what you're saying, Ryan, like, there's this, there's a vertical relationship we have with God. And if you have a vertical relationship and you're, you know, that access is pointed to God and your wife has a vertical relationship, and it's pointed to God, it's that triangle thing that probably most people have heard of. That's a pretty common analogy. As, as we go, as the access goes up to God, you know, it brings us closer. You know, it brings the two hearts closer together. So we want to be men who walk in affection, tenderness, you know, we're tough guys.
Speaker 1 00:16:07 And sometimes, you know, I, one of the errors I have is I get, I'll get it. I'm a little bit more on the introverted side. I like to be around people, but I'm a little more on the introverted side. Ryan's a lot more on the introverted side on that scale. And you know, sometimes when I get into bed Mo you know, you want to crawl in your cave. You want to have cave time, right? Like shut the world out. You know, like whatever we're going through though. Like, I, I got, I've got a lot of busy things on my calendar. I got pretty, my days are pretty full, pretty busy, you know, a lot of stuff moving. And I, I've got to put calendar time, actually, Mark calendar time to be with my children. Yeah. I actually think about how many times I said no to Ellie. You know, it was her last three things. Dad, can you do this? You can do that. Now I got to do this and I'm sorry, I gotta do this. It's like every third request, I make sure I say, yes.
Speaker 3 00:16:57 It's like, whatever it is. I'm like, Oh my gosh, I just, just committed to two hours of a baking cookies or something. You know, couldn't have been the second answer. It's better than the other day. Cause I was, I was thinking about that too. It's funny that you said that because I was just thinking about this with Braylin and, uh, which is my daughter. And, uh, and, uh, did, I almost ended up painting rocks, like put little gems on rocks and I'm like, I can't do this man. Be dazzled. And then it's like, well, will you play Barbies with me? I'm like, I don't play Barbies. I don't do pretend fake stuff. Um, you know, but it's, it's funny, man. You know? So I'm like, all right, let's go on a daddy daughter day. Let's, let's go out to lunch. My, my daughter's just like me, man. She loves to eat. And uh, so I can always, I can always distract that conversation and be like, well, yes, I actually, I do dad, you know, you know what I mean? You know, this COVID, uh, season
Speaker 1 00:17:50 That we're in and God only knows how long it'll last and what all that. We're not here to talk about all that, but it's actually brought these restrictions and closed downs actually has brought my family closer. You know, we haven't, no one's been able to plan this or plan that or go here and go there. So we've all kind of been under one roof. We, you know, I got a treadmill and some workout bands and some resistance bands, and I've been, we've been doing a good solid year. My whole family works out now. Not always together, but where they're all, we're all working out. It's really powerful. So it's really important for us as men to, to, to love our wives. Love them, make sure you're praying.
Speaker 3 00:18:28 And with your wife, I mean, they're not every guy in here maybe is
Speaker 1 00:18:31 Into the Christ's life. I get it. But maybe you're you like our culture. And, but I would, I would challenge you to consider Christ and consider his ways because it actually has been, it's actually the greatest thing I've discovered. And you know, actually if you read a lot of the founding fathers, they actually say the same thing about Christ then in the scriptures, it's the most amazing way to live. So we need to be men who pray with our wives. We need to be men who enjoy our wives. And I love this. There's a picture that I got along time ago. And I don't remember where it came from. It's not originally from me, but I can't remember the source, but there was a, a, it relates to this whole washing the bride with water of the word. And I had this like picture. I think it was a prophetic.
Speaker 1 00:19:16 Maybe I can't remember if it was like a Heidi Baker thing or something I read like years ago. And it was this picture, whoever this person was that had had this picture of the bride of Christ and they were scared and it was a female and all these voices were coming against them. And that the, they were not looking the best. They were, it was a ratty, tatty looking kind of hair, all mangled and bride. But the lion of Judah would roar. And the vibes of his roar would go over this bride. And she began, you know, the, the, the warfare pushed back off of her and she began to become this beautiful thing that she was created to be. And, and, and yeah, that's awesome. That's cause that's how God helps all of us in our walk with him. But that's, that's the same thing. I'm I do every day, not only with my wife, with my four daughters, my voice represents the voice of the father roaring over them taking off the dark.
Speaker 3 00:20:10 Yeah. And we got an attack, especially on a woman. Right. They think about women, right? Like EV we look in the mirror, you and I are heavier now.
Speaker 1 00:20:16 Cause we're in our winter fat mode. Right? Yeah. We're getting ready to trim down, but we look in the mirror,
Speaker 3 00:20:22 We still got it. Man. Look at that little, little crease in my tricep. Right. Whereas the woman looks in the mirror and they can't find anything they still have or still do there anything I'm okay. I haven't gone that far. I can still do what the Peck dance, the Peck dance a little more jiggly now, but I still got the movement. It looks so much chili this winter, too much chili, too much cheese in that chill. Yeah. But I would say sour cream. I love that concept
Speaker 1 00:20:45 Of like the washing with the word, like the earth, the washing
Speaker 4 00:20:48 Of water, the cleansing, like when, when God's talking about cleansing her by the washing with water, through the word, you're actually, you know, think, think about what the word does us, God challenges us to wash ourselves with the water of the word. Why for the renewing of our minds, for the cleansing, um, the cleansing of our hearts minds, it's, it's, it's a renewal process. You know what I mean? And so it really makes me think about, um, how I speak and address to my address, my wife, you know, and, and like you're saying, um, you know, the, the filth of the world coming in from the filth of the world, uh, you know, I, it makes me think also of, in Leviticus that, that Mo when, when Moses presented Aaron and his sons and wash them with water, you know, and that was a, uh, very special ceremony, um, of consecration. Um, and it's really actually referring to the Royal priesthood, you know? Um, and so we're, you know, we, we can kind of take a lot of these parallels. You know, we look at when, when, um, when, um, Jesus washed the feet of the disciple, he, again, it's an, it's a lowly humble, um, act of cleansing right. Of service, uh, to our partner.
Speaker 1 00:22:01 Serving actually has a S if you, if you're doing it with a pure heart, it has a way of honoring the person a hundred percent and humbling them. Like really? It's like, it's like, yeah, it's pretty wild. It's actually what politicians are supposed to be like, right. Public servants, half of the service, it's kind of like, anyway, not to get into the politics again, you can see some of my sidebar menu going on right now. Oh, I could. Yeah. And other thing too, that throw in there is private 31. Everyone knows that that Proverbs 31 woman is charm is deceptive beauty. A charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting or vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. And I do that actually, that's a, that's, uh, almost daily or weekly, probably not quite daily, but EAs easily two or three times a week.
Speaker 1 00:22:51 I work on making that a goal of mine. So the way I display affection to my wife as I, I work on, I pray with her when I need to pray with her. I constantly discuss scripture with my wife. That's an ongoing discussion. I, I praise my wife in front of my children because she deserves to be praised. She's a woman who fears the Lord. And the scripture says, um, a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. So we, and that's actually kind of a Jewish thing. You know, it's like, it goes back in the Eastern world and you just in front of your children, you praise the mother for being a woman who fears the Lord. It's real simple, but you just do it, you know, you keep it going. And so those few things there for me helped me build affection with my wife. We, we focused on doing getaways a few times a year. Um, you know, we do dates whenever we want to. We're, we're not strict on, you know, every Friday night we got to do this, but, you know, so, and I'm, I'm going to have my wife on, we should have our wives on with us and let them tell everybody where we suck.
Speaker 4 00:23:54 It just helps me. It's not bad at this. We actually, what they probably wouldn't do that. Um, uh, you know, and I, and I think too, like when it comes to affection guys, like, I, I want to say this. I like it. It's kinda hitting me right now. Um, and I think the main point is the responsibility that, um, we, as men carry, um, you know, um, you don't, we don't see in these scriptures, like husbands love your, or wives love your husbands, right? We, we have a great responsibility, um, you know, to, to, uh, emulate Christ leadership over the church with our wives. And we have the responsibility, um, that God has to partner with Christ to present our wives, to him. Um, you know, cleansed Holy without blemish, you know, that, that we would present them as a part of his inheritance, a part of his glorious church.
Speaker 4 00:24:51 And there's such a responsibility for us. You know, I think of that verse about, about the power, um, the power of life and death is in the tongue, you know, and, and the way we are speaking life over our wives, over our children, um, guys, this matters, man, we are to be leading them, nurturing them. We are be calling out their destiny, calling out the greatness that God's put in them, giving them vision to run after, um, you know, we carry a great responsibility as a foundational servant, right. Something for them to stand upon. You know, I, I remember my dad would always say that I want, I just want my ceiling to be your floor. That's, that's what my parents desired for me. You know, and guys, like, I maybe didn't understand that then when they were talking about that at a, at a, at a, at a young age, but I sure do.
Speaker 4 00:25:40 Now when I look around and I understand more about people's maturity levels in the faith and just how blessed I am to get to start off, um, where my parents, you know, like kind of raised that ceiling and raise that threshold for me, um, to have a little better push a little better start, you know, uh, to, in the things of God, you know what I mean? That, that I would, I would get maybe a little further than, than they were able to a little quicker understanding, you know? And so I just look at that, that act of servant hood. And I look at guys, let's be careful, let's be careful, um, about what comes out of our mouth. You know what I mean? Let's not speak out of anger. Let's not, you know, I, I do it
Speaker 1 00:26:23 Learn, right? Like this whole thing of affection isn't about, it's not about arriving or perfecting. It's about being aware of it and growing it and growing and learning and growing mature,
Speaker 4 00:26:33 Let it be on the radar so that it checks you. You know what I mean? Like it checks you in,
Speaker 1 00:26:36 Well, your heartbeat tender. Yeah. Be tender before the Lord, you know, and let your heart display affection. I mean, Christ was awesome. I would display affection. He was great at displaying emotion, you know? And sometimes as a tough guy, I I'll even insulate myself a little bit from my emotions. I can, I feel it when I do it. And I'm like, yeah, we'll just, I'll just stop. Just keep going. I feel like you have to, now that one tactic has gotten me through a lot of dark things it has, but it's also, it's also into a lot of other areas of her life. Right. And it's also helped me get close to God because I learned, I realize that that's a, you know, it's a tough guy, tactic, you know, and I'm like, God, I know that's not how you were. That's how Jesus was and the scriptures, you know, so it helps me grow and it helps me.
Speaker 1 00:27:22 Yeah. And it's a, it's a strength and a weakness, you know, there's different things that are so, so guys, as we wrap this up, our heart for you in grace ops is that, you know, we're for you. We've dedicated so much of our time. And we actually would love to dedicate the bulk of our future to championing the Grace House message and running this full-time on a national level. So we'd love for you to check out our website, grace, sops.net. You can even partner with us. If you say, Hey, man, this thing's really blessed in my life. Uh, I want to do five, 10 bucks a month to help you guys out. You know, cause this is a ministry and we would love to have you guys partner with us. So, so check that out, consider that, and you know, on today's episode, we just want you to be affectionate. We want you to focus on that one thing in your life. How can I grow and affection today? How can I, how can I even humble myself? How can I learn? And even say, sorry, if I need to, and then how can I go forward from there and do the things that I know I'm supposed to do as a man. So until next time guys, embrace affection and live upright.
Speaker 0 00:28:22 <inaudible>.
