Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:01 <inaudible>
Speaker 1 00:00:07 A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. Proverbs 25. Hey, Brian Phillips here. It's good to be here on the gray SOPs podcast today. Excited to be with you. You know, I was walking, uh, I was out hanging out the other day, having lunch with some of my buddies. We had some grease ops gear on the lady who was serving our table, says what's grace ops. I had to think quick on my feet. Cause I thought, I don't want to say well, it's, uh, it's, we're empowering men to live upright and we're trying to help men. And you know, I didn't want to just talk about men. I wanted to kind of find a way to, cause we're really empowering families, but we want to go after the heart of a man. So I was sitting there and I'm like, Oh, what do I say?
Speaker 1 00:00:51 And right away it came to me. I said, well, gray SOPs is an appeal to men and women to actually live at virtue and character. She said, Oh, well, I'm interested in that. And there, there it is. We're appealing to an American culture. We're appealing to a church culture in a lot of ways. We've lost our moorings. We lost our way. We've got to redeem, restore virtue, restore character Kerrigan about the things that God cares about. So with all that said, subscribe to our podcast, check out gray subs.net. We're just getting started. I mean, we're just getting started all this, but God, I believe has massive plans. How this is going to impact our country, men, families, women, even the globe. It's going to be an awesome thing to be part of. Get in, get into it please. We're we're we're rolling out all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 1 00:01:44 We got all kinds of great ideas. We're we're locking down and going after 2021 is going to be an amazing year. It's good to have you here on this podcast. Check us out, subscribe to our email. We'd love that. All right. I want to dig into to this podcast is episode talking about self-control a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls. I kind of think about the football analogy. I think about when a quarterback gets sacked. Yeah, the, he was left without walls. I mean, I think about things that are vulnerable. I think about even my own life at times, I say this quite often, it's not about perfection. It's about pursuit. And what I mean by that is I can't. I got to care about the way I live my life and I also can't get too bogged down when I make mistakes.
Speaker 1 00:02:39 So I gotta to deal with a mistake, but I can't let the mistake define me or bog me down. But I've also got to be in pursuit, progress, progressing towards a better outcome as well. So it's a, it's a beautiful, mysterious mess. We all live and thank God for his and his grace to, to train us. I think about my own temper at times. I don't want to, I'm an impulsive guy. Like I love spontaneous to a degree. I mean, I'm also strategic and like to think things through I'm very analytic analytical, but uh, I think of my own temper sometimes. And how many times I've apologized to my kids? I don't know. I don't know. I'm sure a lot of people can identify with this. I'm just, I'm a very passionate guy, but also don't want that to be an excuse. But here we go right here.
Speaker 1 00:03:32 Here's how it all works. Uh, I have the ability to control my behavior, but there's there's times when I'm triggered or tired or hungry or maybe I don't even care. What's going on in the moment in that that masculine bull in a China cabinet comes out. I'll never forget that when my marriage counselor said that to me, you're, you're the bull on China cabinet and your wife's the butterfly and Miguel he's probably right. And then you get married and then it gets put on display. I love how marriage keeps us accountable. I love my wife. I love my kids. I love them. I love so much. And there's times where I have to say, uh, sorry, I let my temper get the best of Adelaide. It get the best of me. So in those moments, I'm not controlling myself. It's an interesting thought here that we're looking at.
Speaker 1 00:04:29 So in that moment, a man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls left without any type of four to five, front four to five protection vulnerable could be easily ravaged taken advantage of. So self-control plays a huge part in our lives. And it's, it's almost kinda like a weird word even talk about today because no one in the culture at large political correctness is killing. I believe killing virtue and even killing character. And I know there's a lot of people that disagree with that. Don't think I'm evil for saying it and they'll call me a hater and a full and all kinds of things. But political correctness is killing our society. This whole idea that we all get a trophy, let's see race competition. Let's erase any type of hierarchy of someone being better than me. Let's remove, struggle, remove anything negative. Oh my gosh, we are creating some of the most pansy soft individuals who don't know how to face defeat. They don't know how to face pain suffering. I learned to be a better athlete cause I got smashed on the football field. There were times I remember looking up to the blue sky and seeing the clouds stroll by and see it right now. Just dying to catch my breath. Cause this got hit so hard. Well that motivated me to get in the gym. Even more run harder, do take two a day. Seriously
Speaker 1 00:06:10 Pain and suffering helped me be a better person. Mountain tops and valleys are needed in our lives. We can't just go from mountaintop to mountaintop where you're going to go through hard times. You're going to go through struggle. You're not always going to be on top and I'm not trying to create a dog eat dog world. I don't, that's not healthy either, but this area is self-controlled psych. It's hated today at large because everyone says I'm good. And if I'm good, then whatever I am today, whatever, emotional, whatever type of emotional drama I want to put on the stage. Well, that's just who I am. You can just deal with it. Honestly. I control myself. So self control is actually about controlling your behavior. Behavior is rooted in identity. Identity fuels our behavior. How we see ourselves as how we act, period, church, culture kind of gets it wrong when they've tried to do behavior modification.
Speaker 1 00:07:04 And I think that turned has turned a lot of people off. Maybe tens, maybe hundreds of thousands of people off. I mean, it's still our culture today, right? Yes. I'm going to go to a church gathering. Let's say I run a church also, but it's not a church that you would think about. It's a church. I preach in a hoodie on Sundays. It's like, and it's cool. You want to wear a suit and tie? Who cares? We're not trying to say. And so many people, Oh, I'll come. Once I cleaned my life up. Well that's behavior modification. I'll get my life right before I can hang with you. And that's not what it's about. It's about let's hang, let's hang together and help each other. Build rebuild these walls. Let's help each other get fortified.
Speaker 1 00:07:48 Yeah, that's a cool way to live. Give me one, two or three people I can be really close with. Help me build community. Help me learn identity, help that identity fuel my behavior. So we live in a day and age that does not like the word responsible self-control has a keyword in it. Self you, you it's your responsibility to engage. Self-control when we don't engage self-control and we let our behaviors go wild. We are like a city who has been broken into and left without walls, no protection, the heart, our emotions, our will, our mind when we leave, self-control behind. I think about it. I'm a fitness guy. I love to work out when I was 21, 22, I was benching four Oh five. I was a beast in the gym. I'm still strong as an ox, right? I mean, I am strong. I'm 45 years old.
Speaker 1 00:08:56 I'm strong. I I'm, I love to do things that have to do with strength. I don't bench four Oh five right now, but I could, if I wanted to, I could get back to that. I don't, I wouldn't, I don't really think I'd have a problem doing it, but I'm bringing up fitness because Hey, the battle of the balls, we all, we all face this right over the summertime. Eyes leaned out feeling really good about myself. Since summertime I've been busy, tired, working, grinding away, going over this passionate dream of gray SOPs. And I run a church called the Grove. I love those two arenas. And mostly going after God. I want to, I want to be a man of his own heart. So taking care of my family, there's all these energies in my life.
Speaker 1 00:09:42 Well, I probably gained, I don't know, 10, 15 pounds since the summertime. It really doesn't ultimately crazy bother me because I don't look in the mirror and be like, Oh, I'm so terrible. I I'm like a typical guy. I'll still have like a tricep dent in my Triseba blade. I'll just pop my tricep and be like, yeah, I still got it. You know, even though I've got 15 pounds of fat on my gut, I'm still in shape. Cause my tricep has a little crease in it. Whereas our wives, our women are different. Right. They see one pound or three pounds like, Oh my gosh. I'm like, yeah, but let's relate it back to self-control 15 pounds got on me. Cause I, I didn't control my behavior. I did not control. I, I did not. I did not control my behavior. Oh, I didn't do it. I caved got tired. Ate that late night snack. I didn't stick to my intermittent fasting goals. They caved right. The emotions I just gave in like a weak little girl, whatever. Not the little girls are weak, but I'm a grown man. If I'm like a little girl that's weak. So that's the analogy. But I cave gain weight.
Speaker 1 00:10:59 Get to where I don't want to be. Why, why do I do that? Why? So? Even in that area, right of just food intake, all the different emotions involved in food digestion, right? The, the taste, the timing of the day, the, the hunger, the disciplines, just that one area when I don't engage self control. And I allow my, I don't control my behavior of eating that food, eating that candy bar smashed on the sugar, whatever, when I don't control it, it gets unlike a I'm like a city who's been broken into and left without walls. So the key in those moments. So think about your life. Maybe it's an area of parenting or leading. I mean, we're all have this gnawing question sometimes, right? Am I doing the best can in life? Am I doing the best I can as a father running my family, running my business, managing my finances.
Speaker 1 00:12:00 I mean, man, I I'm always asking that question. I can tell you areas I'm crushing it and killing it. And I can tell you as Adams, I'm not so hot there. I don't know a lot about that. And, and there's all kinds of things and we need each other. I mean, we really do. We really need community. We're wired for community. And this is one of the reasons why, because if I get two, three, four people close to me, now I'll run in a tribe much larger than that. I'll run a hundred, 200, 300 people, however much you want, but I don't have the capacity close to that many people. So the people I let get close to me are people that I want to help them in their lives have the fortified wall. How do I do that? We'll see, because here's the one thing, right?
Speaker 1 00:12:39 I can't control other people. That's that's the cool thing. This is about self control. None of us have the power to control other people. And if you try to control those people through manipulation, it's a sign that you were a very weak person. You're weak. You got a weakness. It's a learned behavior. You, you, you're trying to manipulate to control to make yourself feel secure. And, and, and you create hell for those around you. It's about self control, controlling your own behaviors. It's rooted in your identity. So we want to help each other have, have fortified walls, protect ourselves. I don't know how many times I've said, I'm sorry to my children about anger, but one of the cool things I always compliment myself on is at least I said, sorry, that's a big step. I'll work on it next time. Well, when the next time rolls around, it's about understanding where that behavior comes from and learning how to control it. Self control. The behavior
Speaker 2 00:13:44 <inaudible>
Speaker 1 00:13:50 Community is powerful for us, helps us to rebuild those walls and to be fortified. So how are we doing? How are you doing in your life right now? All these categories, none of us are crushing it in every category. So why we need each other. My identity fuels my behavior. Now you might disagree with me or maybe you tune this podcast and you're not really another Christian thing. I personally have found it to be very beneficial. After 20 plus years of actually reading the Bible, that's actually been a very powerful thing in my life. It boosts faith. It gives me hope. It shows me identity. And you know what, when I really understand the harder God and his love and his boundaries, I am, it really makes me want to know as mysterious. You haven't met God, I get it. You can't see God. I get it. It's very mysterious. And you can throw a lot of, uh, interesting ideas at it. Like, you know, it's a crutch for the weak minded people. I get it. But my on the flip side of that, of all those stones being thrown my responses, but maybe your eyes haven't been opened. Maybe I see something from an angle that you don't, maybe we could learn from each other.
Speaker 1 00:15:29 So identity as a man, there's not a pressure on men today. There's a lot of points of pain and aches in the heart of a man today. So men, how are we governing ourselves? How are we going to repair the walls? So when I caved in the area of my food intake, I had to go in and actually rebuild that wall because everything comes in once it caves, it's like, it doesn't matter if I eat. If I say I'm going to intermittent fast and I break it, I might as well eat 10,000 calories. Cause that's about what's going to happen. That's just how I'm wired. And what area of your life is there? What area of life do you feel like a city that was broken into and left without walls? Because God's grace wants to train you and train you. And I together through community, through a band of brothers, wants to train us to be self controlled, to live upright,
Speaker 1 00:16:40 To live godly lives, to restore virtue and character in our lives. It's not a one and done. This is an overnight thing. It's a, I think the term is right when I say it's a long obedience in the same direction. Eugene Peterson book that I love. Sometimes it's a slow obedience, but it's about progression. So I want to motivate you today. Let grace train you. Open your mind, dive into community, build a band of brothers. I mean really do these things. They're not just neat ideas that we talk about, do these things, and it will actually change your life in a powerful way. So self-control comes from God and God's. Grace is here to train us, to empower us, to live in self control. So today look at those areas where you're left without walls. Identify those areas in your life, begin to rebuild those walls. And the way you do that is through self control until next time live upright.
Speaker 0 00:17:54 <inaudible>.
